A-Z of Thailand part 2 (H - N)

H is for Heat

It was rainy season in Thailand, but don’t let that fool you, with an average heat of 38 degrees every day you’d be constantly sweating it out, I lost a stone in a month from the heat, walking down the road was basically the same as running top speed up a freaking hill in Ireland.

H is also for Hua Hin

A beautiful part of Thailand, that I was fortunate enough to spend 10 days in. You can do pretty much anything there, Jetski, Climb the mountains to the temples, Shop, party, but all at a lovely near-Caribbean pace.
They had a bloody Tesco there for godssake! We stayed in 2 hotels during our time there, and both were truly exceptional, their attention to detail and cleanliness was second to none. Good for adults, great for kids, you’ll hear no complaints here.

I is for Insects

I know I’ve already discussed the Ants, but believe me, there’s wigglys over there that would turn you pale, as we rafted up river I was told there was “something” on my back, now being a fan of the Indiana Jones movies, my mind was working overtime with this, so when I got my brother in law to swat whatever the fuck was on my back and show me I wasn’t prepared for a big black beetle with a stinger tail type scorpion thing.Awful stuff. But on the upside to that, there’s some amazing dragonflies there too, all different colours and sizes and making a veritable banquet for the Geckos.

J is for Jumping snake.

“Ladies and gentlemen, next snake, velly dangerous, no hoppital close, you get bite YOU DIE!, 3 minute, 3 minute, you DIE!” was the call from the Thai announcer at the Chiang Mai snake show. “ Velly dangerous Indian jumping snake, he jump up to 4ft”. We had paid in for a private show, as the park was closed, but our Thai friend got us in special. So in a small hut we were all on tenderhooks as they opened the box with the Indian jumping snake inside it. Suddenly the music got really loud and the snake handler flung a rope at us.
My mother in law nearly fell off the bleacher seats and the kids FREAKED. I very nearly wet my pants aswell.


K is for Khop

The word Khop is used constantly over there, it’s a polite term meaning thankyou and please. For the ladies, you say Kah instead. I really got into the Thai language whilst there and plan on showing off in many a Thai restaurant in the future.

K is also for King

He’s everywhere, pictures on the roadside, murals on the walls, on t-shirts and hats, everywhere. His Majesty the king of Thailand is regarded as spiritual by the people, and rightly so, from what I understand he has done wonderful things for the entire country with regards literacy, schooling and health.

L is for Ladyboys

Lets face it, I wasn’t going to do a rundown on Thailand without mentioning the lads. They’re a seriously good looking bunch of fellas – I’ll hold my hands up and say I had to double take several times over there, I wasn’t always right!
But the ladyboy shows are more like cabaret than anything else, and in fairness to them they’re hilariously entertaining.

L is also for Long necked hill tribe.

We took a trek up the river Mae Khong to a long necked hill tribe, now it’s not as adventurous as it sounds there, the hill tribes are somewhat of a tourist attraction, and fully expect people, but it was still really cool to go and do it.
The long neck is a sign that you are “Suay Mak” which means very beautiful, but it was originally for the hunters to protect them against Tigers who instinctively go for the neck, however I’m sure once a tiger has no luck chewing on your neck he’ll probably go for somewhere softer like your belly, so these neck rings were probably given over to the women to wear for fashion.
The rings are REALLY heavy, think the weight of say, 10 dinner plates around your neck, and also, it doesn’t stretch the neck, it lowers the shoulders apparently. Anyway, I was extremely grateful for their hospitality and it was a once in a lifetime thing for me to do.



M is for Muay Thai boxing.

A farce. A feckin farce so it was. They hand out flyers in restaurants everywhere that show two fighters ready to kick snot out of eachother and claim it to be a big bout. So I went along one night, and I saw two massive lads barely touch eachother and one fella hitting the deck soon thereafter, I might aswell have been watching WWF.
So the next time I was handed a flyer, I asked “exhibition? Or real?” and I was told “big championship fight” so I went along again, same bloody thing.
Sometimes you wish you weren’t a falong, so you could see the real deal!

M is also for Mosquitoes

In one month, I was lucky enough not to get bitten at all by the little bastards, which would lead me to believe that I could probably be a Mosquito farmer and not get bitten, because everyone else got nibbled on at one stage or another. I saw someone with a bite on their face and the entire bite was the size of a golf ball, and itchy as hell I’d imagine.
We were warned on our jungle trek that they’d savage us if we didn’t wear the protection that the Thai Army wore, it stunk, but by jingo did it work. Mind you, it would probably work with EVERYTHING because it smells so bad.



N – is for Noi.

Noi means little, and I don’t want to get too into the Thai language thing here, but if you’re the younger brother of someone, you seem to be instantly given that name, so Noi was the manager of Mr. Mudds blues bar in Hua Hin and a lovely chap he was too. Gave us plenty of Chang and Singha beers to keep us hydrated on those balmy evenings.


Stay tuned for O to U folks!

(you can tell me to stop when it gets boring.)