Pancakes!

It's pancake Tuesday! A truly excellent (if a little fattening) day!

Here's how you make a daycent enough Pancake.

Ingredients

8 Oz of Flour
2 Eggs
1 Pint of milk

Don't bother sifting the flour in, just heap it into the bowl and create a well in the middle.
Lob in the 2 eggs and mix it into the flour until all the egg is absorbed - not all the flour will absorb into the eggs, but a fair bit will.
Then mix in the milk and "stir the shite out of it" as my mother said.
leave it to stand for 15-20 minutes - that's important apparently.

Things to do whilst you're waiting for the batter mix to settle.

1: You can go and have a shite
2: head off and have a shave
3: Run down to your neighbours house and kick in the windows

At this stage, put on your pan. make sure the pan is fairly hot and lob a scoop/pad of butter onto the smoking pan, then ladle in your first pancake.
roll the pan around until the pancake covers a fair bit of the pan and then leave on high heat until it begins to bubble.
Then it's time to flip/chart/pad! (translation - toss the pancake)

This action I will have to leave to yourself, as there is no particular way to do this properly that I know of. So god be with you.

Once flipped - leave until you are satisfied and then use a spatula to take the pancake off.

On the plate - cover with caster sugar and lemon juice and serve.

There's loads of other ways to eat pancakes - Nutella choc spread/jam/banana

Let me know what your favorite is - and I'll try it out meself tonite.

Things that cheese my cracker Pt. 1

Guitar Solos

Growing up, there were many things you could rely on, Saturday morning cartoons, Mtv playing music, McDonlads being a once a month treat and of course, Guitar Solos. Whether they were small interludes in a song or axe crunching, ear ripping pieces of music history (Sweet Child ‘O Mine I’m looking at you) they were the staple diet of the Rock God.

Guitar Solo’s were invented by Maximus, the God of Ego – many eon’s ago. This tool was passed down to the Rock star and he thusly issued it to us to consume whilst we delivered the burnt offerings that were the outstretched fist and the wildly shaking head.

Developed in the swinging sixties by Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton, Pete Townshend and co. It was perfected in the seventies and taken to the extreme in the eighties.
During the nineties however, the Guitar solo took a back seat to allow Northern soul and Brit pop arrive with Grunge, this can be seen as a step back, but to be fair, Guitar solos needed a break from the eighties, Steve Vai, Joe Satriani and Nuno Bettencourt had all but shredded their last lick.

Solo’s themselves have yet to make a huge comeback, but you see one slipping in there every so often and each time I hear someone attemping some riffamortis, I crack an oily toothless smile and think “Maximus has blessed us once again”.

cunt.

LVS

This phrase was coined by a good friend of mine, It’s basically short for “Lead Vocalist Syndrome” and it refers to the trend of the lead singer of a rock and roll band getting too big for his leopard skin boots. We’ve all seen it throughout rock history, Axl Rose firing the entire GnR line up, Dave Lee Roth leaving Van Halen all these things are more than likely due to long hours in the studio, artistic temperament and of course the MASSIVE intake of narcotics from the aforementioned rockers.

There’s no doubting that the lead singers of the rock group are generally the focal point of the group (that is until the blessed guitar solo) however, it is usually the case that the lead singer is generally the talentless member of the group, I mean, I’m not tarring everyone with the same brush here, Jagger is a legend to name one, but in a good few cases it appears that the fame and fortune and obviously the MASSIVE intake of narcotics takes its toll on the lead singer, I can’t help but giggle like a schoolgirl everytime you hear of a lead singer throwing a strop and walking out, it actually doesn’t happen that much anymore, but you can always rely on a lead singer to get “tired and emotional” with the musicians of the group and either fire the blaggards or walk out themselves. Classic.

The plight of the Lead singer

The Rock Beard

Worn to amazing effect most times, we’ve seen George Harrison very nearly disappear into his during the Beatles psychedelic period, John Entwhistle always stalked the stage with one, infact, rumour has it he had an extra set of hands under there, (which would explain a lot).
The Rock star is filled with so much testosterone that they have to shave at least 4 times a day, and whilst on tour, or just plain living it up, not all Rock Gods have time to shave, Then again, the beard has been shunned of late, until the emergence of the magic numbers, and perhaps the Kings of Leon.


But when the term “Beard” is mentioned we all turn to ZZ Top.
Everyone knows the name of the drummer is beard and he only had a moustache, this is what sums up the Rock beard for me, if anyone can sell millions of records in the eighties on their facial hair alone then the beard has power!
In saying that ZZ Top are truly rocktacular, and have many other tunes outside the eighties that rock hard.

Tune in next week for Part 2 of my rockariffic rant!

World Gurning Champion.

Yes Folks, his name is Edgar Spanovich, he's from Antrim and he's here to talk to the salivating labrador!

SL: Edgar, is it safe to say this is a unique talent?

ES: Yesh, Yesh it ish, but there are many more like me.

SL: So is there an entire gurning community?

ES: Well, I fink itsh shafe to shay theresh plenty of ush yesh!

SL: Sorry, I didn't catch that?

ES: I shaid theresh plenty of usch!

SL: - em - what?

ES: Nexsht Queschtion pleasch.

SL: I have no idea what you're talking about mate

ES: Are you mocking me?

SL: No no, it must be a bad line!

ES: I'm shitting right in front of you!

SL: What? Stop that!

ES: Thish ish ridiculoush (inaudible piffle)

SL: Ok, that was just noise...

ES: Thish interview ish over

SL: Yeah, I don't see it going anywhere, stupid assignment anyway fucking editor doesn't like me because I slept with his cousin, how was I to know......

Zombie Flu - is it on the way?

Scientists have confirmed that the deadly strain of Zombie flu has been found in France.

The deadly strain of Zombie flu was found in 2 dead Zombies in the Brittany region.

The outbreaks of zombie flu that began in southeast Asia in the middle of 2003 are the largest and most severe on record.

Nine Asian countries have reported outbreaks and the virus has become endemic in some places where the disease has not been controlled.

Now the disease is sweeping into Europe, some of it blamed on Zombies' migration patterns.

So far it seems that close contact with dead or sick zombies is the main source of human infection with the Romero virus.

At present, Romero is largely a zombie disease. The virus does not easily cross from Zombies to infect humans. Despite the infection of several thousand over a wide area for more than two years, fewer than 200 human cases have been confirmed.

Upon Speaking with Alan Greendwall a spokesman for the zombie community – had this to say,
“Hnnngh, Braaaaaains bluuaaargghh”
And the harsh reality is, a mass cull could be the only way to stop the infection into many flocks of Zombies nationwide.

Residents are advised if approached by Zombies who are displaying symptoms such as, high temperature, runny nose, aches and pains other than that caused from the eternal damnation of walking the earth undead, are to immediately contact the authorities.

The pistol crack from the new Kojak.

Who loves ya baby?

Not fucking me, I had been looking forward to watching the remake of Kojak featuring everyone’s fantasy B.A. Baracus Ving Rhames on TV3 last night with the same amount of anticipation you get when watching a basket full of kittens fall off a table on you’ve been framed.
I knew it would be awful, but I didn’t think it would be GOD awful. That is of course until I saw the opening credits and I thought, “uh oh”.

It seems that they wanted to make such a big deal out of the fact that Rhames was bald and sucked a lollipop to make up for the fact that they swapped a fat white Greek for a muscle bound black man that they forgot about story and acting. This is summed up within the first 15 minutes when “Kojak” confronts an armed robber and says “I ain’t afraid of dyin’”. Then the camera stays on his face for an exceptionable amount of time before (badly) panning over to the stunned face of the burglar.

Other classic lines include “see that lady? She got a tattoo on her forehead – it says hard case”. What the fuck does any of that mean? Also, “Kojak” gets beat up by a woman in the first episode, which I could pretty much guarantee would never have happened the old Kojak.

Now unfortunately for me, I usually find myself watching TV3 of a Monday anyway, because Law and Order SVU is on at 10, so I’m no doubt going to watch Kojak again, I’d be willing to give it a chance, but only one more.

Now while I’m at it, I’ll give you a quick list of Cop shows that I love, and that should never be remade. (Although I’m guessing they will be, if they’re not already)

1: Magnum P.I
2: Hill Street Blues
3: Jake and The Fat man
4: CHiPs
5: Hunter
6: TJ Hooker.
7: Columbo
8: Miami Vice (I know it’s being remade – but I don’t have to be happy about it)
9: Nash Bridges – a Johnson double – I actually watched the entire 6 series of these.
10: The Fall Guy – not strictly a cop show – but what the hey.

Happy Drexday!

It's that time of week folks!

Have a great drexday - and remember - with Drex corp. you'll never be lonely!

Just afraid!

Drex on!

Not an All Bran Fan.

Christ.

I feel sick.

My morning routine has changed somewhat since January, Instead of driving to work in my beloved mini - I now Jog or Walk (depending on my humour) in - and I have it down to about 30 minutes - which is good going by my standards.

Anyway, The routine goes as follows; Wake up, Pack bag, Put on iPod, Leggit.

Halfway up the route there's a Mace - and to honest, it's easily the best convenience shop I've been in - it has everything, Including a self service fruit bar. (legend)

So I pop in there (a sweaty mess) and fill up on fruit/water/newspaper and leggit again.

I also usually get Muesli for breakfast - it's like fucking store dust that gear, but it's a necessary evil I'm afraid.

Anyway, This morning, there was no muesli and I decided to have a bowl of All Bran instead.

Not clever.

first off - I always thought the stuff was pretty rotten, I mean, anything that looks like it should be lining a squirrels bed can't taste nice.

But since I haven't eaten the stuff for about 10 years - I figured my tastebuds had grown up a bit.

No hope. The stuff tastes MEDICALLY bad. And what's worse, is I just ate the entire bowl because my frame of mind was "well, if it's this bad, it has to be healthy"

I don't think it is now! I feel like I've just eaten shit.

Chris Farley - 1964 - 1997

Chris Farley.

Today marks the 9th anniversary of Comic legend Chris Farleys tragic passing.

The Labrador is a big fan and still misses him on the big screen.

We miss you Chris – wherever you are.

(In a van, down by the river)

Four Brothers

What usually happens when you let your girlfriend go to the Video shop for you?

She usually arrives back with "The magic princess who started out as just a simple secretary but was turned beautiful Part 2 - Featuring J-Lo."

So when I saw the film "Four Brothers" sat on the kitchen table last night, this is what went through my head,

"Uh, that's that film with OutKast and the Model and Marky Mark in it"

I've been successfully avoiding this film - and I've been quite happy to do so as I didn't think it held anything for me. So imagine my surprise when I was suitably impressed with the entire film!

Set in the dreary backdrop of Detroit in winter this revenge film rises above the rest by not trying to be too clever, but not dumbing down too much either - there's credible performances from André Benjamin and Tyrese whatshisname - whilst Mark Whalberg is as usual fairly sturdy.

One thing however, and it's purely personal - I don't like Terrance Howard - I just don't trust him.

The music to this film is a clear homáge to the motown music that stemmed from Detroit, and whilst not always suiting the scenes it is in, it gives an element of class to the film.

All in all, this film does exactly what it says on the tin - entertains and doesn't leave you feeling like you've wasted any time in watching it.

Wearnz!

Happy Valentines day!

Happy Get a card and flowers and chocolates and a bank loan day!
(miser)

Lets get dumped!

Lets conduct an experiment.

I want everyone to try something out for me this week, and we’ll see how it works out.
Picture the scene; You and your nearest and dearest are lounging of an evening in front of the telly, perhaps you’re watching changing rooms? Perhaps it’s the 6 o clock news. One thing for sure is – you have the remote. When all of a sudden, you begin to slowly turn up the volume – notch by notch.
I need all of you to do the following.

Fill out this Form.

Form 1A – Experiment in Female blood pressure.

Name :

Programme on TV:

Starting Volume :

Volume When Stopped:

Excuse used:


Just hoist up the volume, number by number, and once your partner flips out – take note of the level and bring it back down to the acceptable level and use your excuse.

Let the games begin!

Its the weekend! Yippee!!

I'm fucking delighted!

It's been a shite week, I've done nothing but walk/work and eat.
No studios this week - which bummed me out.
No footie this week (worth watching) - terrible.

But this weekend - Celtic v Rangers on sunday @ 12:30!

LEGEND!

Have a great weekend you berks!

The Voyce.

Rashion!

Happy Fucking Drexday!

ITS DREXDAY MOTHER CRUNCHERS!














Yes, It’s the greatest day of the week, brought to us in association with Drex Corp. tm
Drexday has scooched its way up the couch of time again and landed on our doorsteps!

Things to do on Drexday include:

Telling people it’s Drexday.
Making sure people behave like they know its Drexday
Enquiring as to what day it is and when people tell you, correct them.
Eating your lunch like a Viking.
Cancelling everything, and then rescheduling it for the same time.

And now a message from our sponsors.

Drexday corporation would like to thankyou for taking part but also remind/warn of the future consequences if the tradition of Drexday is not upheld.

Kind Regards

Mark V Cerasi – Drex Corp.
President.

Canned food - Pots of Puke or Tins of Treasure?

Convenience is King!

Prone as I am to walking the aisles of Tesco wondering what delights the good people in the food industry have invented for me of late, I oft, stumble into the canned foods section to peruse the wares.

I have partaken in many edibles in this form in my time,

Canned Irish Stew - best eaten whilst in the bath drunk as a lord.
Canned Ravioli - best eaten luke warm on a slice of week old bread.
Canned Irish breakfast - best eaten - by someone else.

All of those were prone to my fancy for about a year - whilst I was unemployed and heavily reliant on substances of an illegal nature.

of course times have changed.

I got a job.

But now I'm thinking - Tinned food - there's bound to be refuse out there willing to try something new!

And so my little labradors - I have compiled a short list of things we are yet to see in cans (to my highly limited knowledge)

1: Thai Curry's - What could possibly go wrong here?
2: Lasagne - It'd be pretty much a winner
3: Chow mein - we all know they can come in cutesy little cartons but we want TINS!
4: McChicken sandwich meal with large fries - its a long shot...
5: Chicken Korma - Indian food was invented for cans.

Needless to say, this is a topic which will turn the Yaleys on their heads, and one which will provoke reaction from those back benchers who call themselves experts.

Well we shall see!

(any others would be appreciated)

Going through Gick....with a stick!

You are what you eat.

Dr. Gillian McKeith - Probes yer poo to tell you what you already know.

Last night, she got stuck into some tubby chick over her (obvious) weight problem.

So first of, she lays out what the bint eats throughout the week and then tells her that eating hotdogs all week dipped in BBQ sauce is bad for you - (wow)

Then - she makes you shit in a lunchbox and probes it with a pen and from watching her notes she has written the following;

1: Putrid smell
2: Lack of consistency
3: No shape

Am I the only one who thinks that shit smells bad ALL WEEK 'ROUND?

And if you keep a shite in a tuppaware tub long enough - it's bound to lose shape and consistency!

So anyway - she puts yer woman on a diet for 8 weeks and then sticks her in a pair of kecks about 4 times bigger than usual so she looks grand!

It's the stuff of nightmares.

If you are what you eat then Gillian McKeith eats sour oul cunts.

Boom!

Welcome to the moral highground!

Welcome to

The Salivating Labrador!

Before we begin, I'll lay out a few ground rules.



1: If you are easily offended - then make your way to another Blog - as it's fair game here.
2: Leave your moral backbone at the door - you can pick it up on the way out.
C: Things here don't have to make sense - so if you don't understand it - it's no biggie.
4: Enjoy yourself during your stay, any questions, just ask.

The Voyce.